I shall boast...
...of HIS goodness.
This will be a very different kind of tale.
You see, today I decided that I am going to thank God for giving me that B when I was expecting and praying for a miracle for that A. Normally, I would only be singing praises of God's goodness whenever I get an A (which is really quite rare, trust me). But as I was reading a friend's blog today about how she was just so thankful for the extremely good results she got by God's grace, for a moment I was tempted.
I wanted to go back to where I was during the weekend - celebrating a pity party all by myself, because I was gravely disappointed for a subject which I had really sweat blood and tears to study for last sem, only to get a B. Those who know me well, would know where I am coming from and why this B would really matter so much.
I was tempted to be bitter because for a split second, I thought, 'Why couldn't God do that miracle for me and give me that A?'
But you know what? I was immediately struck by the thought of why should I only be thankful for God's goodness in my life whenever I do well? So whenever I don't fare as well, I can't be thankful? And me being the person that I am, I hate to pretend to be something I am not. If I don't feel thankful for something, I'd much rather not say that I am coz that would only be faking it.
But this time, I REALLY am thankful. You know why? Because the B that I got was worth so much more than anything I could ever gain from getting an A. Coz looking back, I remember how much it took for me to allow God to do a miracle in my heart - to change my attitude to put in my best effort despite the end results or seemingly hopeless situation.
I remember that time when I was sitting in my uni's library, crying out of sheer frustration and desperately messaging my closest friends to support me in prayer because I was very close to giving up. I very nearly did. After all, what was the point of studying so hard when you already knew what grade you were going to get? To be frank, if I had not studied so hard during that last 1o yards, I would have still gotten a B, maybe just at the lower range. And even if I did study hard, I would still get a B, just that my marks would be at the higher end of the grade range. One part of me prayed like crazy for God to do a miracle, to somehow produce the A for my hard labour.
But a very silent, yet steady voice inside told me to just study hard and pitch in the hardest effort I could, despite the end result. I resisted at first. What's the point, Lord? I don't want to. It's not worth it.
But I knew better to obey that voice. And so I did it anyway.
When the results came out and I got the B, I was really disappointed. I ignored God for awhile. I was angry that He didn't reward me with an impossible A. I mean, after all, isn't my God a miracle-working God?
But TODAY, I realized something even greater that just blew me away.
He did perform a miracle - in my heart.
I am no more the same person I used to be.
That B that I got does not in any way define who I am. Because the character refinement that I got out of the entire experience is priceless which no A can buy. I have come to a place where I have learnt the value of working at the tasks set before me with all my heart, as for the LORD, not for men (Colossians 3:23). Literally, I have come to learn the meaning of that for myself.
So, in the world's eyes, it wouldn't have been counted as a success and it would seem as though there was no miracle in the prayers that I made.
But I beg to differ.
I shall boast of how God has literally come into my heart and turned it upside down. So what if I got a B? The old me (who used to really revel and take pride in my academic performance) would be upset and angry about this for a long long time. Even I am surprised at how I am prouder than ever that I have really changed in this area.
It really isn't about the grades anymore.
Honestly, I never thought I'd say this:
Just like my whole STPM experience. Everyone who knows about my Form 6 experience and know how badly I fared, have felt that it was a waste of 2 years of my life. My own teachers felt I messed big time. Coz the results are never going to be used for anything. Only the faithful friends of my life have consoled me in saying that at least the entire experience produced character. 'What character?!', the skeptical side of me screams. Why did I have to endure 2 horrid years in a horrible place just so that God would produce character in me? What a waste of time, isn't it?
But now I see why. In the world's eyes, I wasted 2 years. I too have allowed myself to believe that the time was simply wasted and I don't think I have quite yet recovered from that horrible experience. But what is 2 years in comparison to a lifetime of meaningfulness? I am certain that somehow, I have benefitted from it. And that God was faithful to me throughout the entire period.
I thank God, I have made one more step of progress towards my Masters of Character Acquisition.
God, you are so good to me!
This will be a very different kind of tale.
You see, today I decided that I am going to thank God for giving me that B when I was expecting and praying for a miracle for that A. Normally, I would only be singing praises of God's goodness whenever I get an A (which is really quite rare, trust me). But as I was reading a friend's blog today about how she was just so thankful for the extremely good results she got by God's grace, for a moment I was tempted.
I wanted to go back to where I was during the weekend - celebrating a pity party all by myself, because I was gravely disappointed for a subject which I had really sweat blood and tears to study for last sem, only to get a B. Those who know me well, would know where I am coming from and why this B would really matter so much.
I was tempted to be bitter because for a split second, I thought, 'Why couldn't God do that miracle for me and give me that A?'
But you know what? I was immediately struck by the thought of why should I only be thankful for God's goodness in my life whenever I do well? So whenever I don't fare as well, I can't be thankful? And me being the person that I am, I hate to pretend to be something I am not. If I don't feel thankful for something, I'd much rather not say that I am coz that would only be faking it.
But this time, I REALLY am thankful. You know why? Because the B that I got was worth so much more than anything I could ever gain from getting an A. Coz looking back, I remember how much it took for me to allow God to do a miracle in my heart - to change my attitude to put in my best effort despite the end results or seemingly hopeless situation.
I remember that time when I was sitting in my uni's library, crying out of sheer frustration and desperately messaging my closest friends to support me in prayer because I was very close to giving up. I very nearly did. After all, what was the point of studying so hard when you already knew what grade you were going to get? To be frank, if I had not studied so hard during that last 1o yards, I would have still gotten a B, maybe just at the lower range. And even if I did study hard, I would still get a B, just that my marks would be at the higher end of the grade range. One part of me prayed like crazy for God to do a miracle, to somehow produce the A for my hard labour.
But a very silent, yet steady voice inside told me to just study hard and pitch in the hardest effort I could, despite the end result. I resisted at first. What's the point, Lord? I don't want to. It's not worth it.
But I knew better to obey that voice. And so I did it anyway.
When the results came out and I got the B, I was really disappointed. I ignored God for awhile. I was angry that He didn't reward me with an impossible A. I mean, after all, isn't my God a miracle-working God?
But TODAY, I realized something even greater that just blew me away.
He did perform a miracle - in my heart.
I am no more the same person I used to be.
That B that I got does not in any way define who I am. Because the character refinement that I got out of the entire experience is priceless which no A can buy. I have come to a place where I have learnt the value of working at the tasks set before me with all my heart, as for the LORD, not for men (Colossians 3:23). Literally, I have come to learn the meaning of that for myself.
So, in the world's eyes, it wouldn't have been counted as a success and it would seem as though there was no miracle in the prayers that I made.
But I beg to differ.
I shall boast of how God has literally come into my heart and turned it upside down. So what if I got a B? The old me (who used to really revel and take pride in my academic performance) would be upset and angry about this for a long long time. Even I am surprised at how I am prouder than ever that I have really changed in this area.
It really isn't about the grades anymore.
Honestly, I never thought I'd say this:
Just like my whole STPM experience. Everyone who knows about my Form 6 experience and know how badly I fared, have felt that it was a waste of 2 years of my life. My own teachers felt I messed big time. Coz the results are never going to be used for anything. Only the faithful friends of my life have consoled me in saying that at least the entire experience produced character. 'What character?!', the skeptical side of me screams. Why did I have to endure 2 horrid years in a horrible place just so that God would produce character in me? What a waste of time, isn't it?
But now I see why. In the world's eyes, I wasted 2 years. I too have allowed myself to believe that the time was simply wasted and I don't think I have quite yet recovered from that horrible experience. But what is 2 years in comparison to a lifetime of meaningfulness? I am certain that somehow, I have benefitted from it. And that God was faithful to me throughout the entire period.
I thank God, I have made one more step of progress towards my Masters of Character Acquisition.
God, you are so good to me!
wow Serena what a powerfully anointed post. U really really understand what life is truly about hey - becoming more like Jesus. :) Once that becomes the focal point, everything else kind of falls into place yah. Love you darling! GO the sunflower sisters!
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:49 PM
Hey,just dropping by your post.A great blog you have!Anyway, just a word of encouragement which hopefully will help you in times of troubles. Always thrust in God, as everything that He puts you through,He will pull you through. I have personally experienced it many times. Just be patient with God and I am sure you will see the rainbow after rain!! God bless ya!!
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:17 PM
thanks, sheen. and yes, GO sunflower sisters! haha....u wouldn't believe wat cheryl thought our "club" was about. silly girl la she....we should clobber her, really. =P
and hi anony. thanks for your encouragement. appreciate. mind leaving your name next time? more personal la. thanks!
Posted by
Serena |
3:13 PM
Post a Comment