To Discover All Over Again

I apologize for taking so long to respond to all your comments. I was, after all, finally behaving like one having finals and finally took to some serious last minute (read: desperate) studying.

Anyways, now that finals are OVER and the sem break is here for a deliciiiooouuusss, but precious, 3 weeks, I can finally write write write again! It feels awfully refreshing to be writing in someplace else other than exam scripts.

After reading through my post several times, I realized how I may have sounded. I guess it is obvious that the writer would naturally want to justify one's claims in order to attempt to appease everyone. Seeing as to how that is an impossible task, I don't even so much as try. But what I am going to put my fingers to doing, is to spell out some of my say on your aye's and nay's.

Maybe I wrote the last post with an underlying intention - as a retaliation to all those who have participated in reminding me of how I am and have tried to advise me on how I should be. The thing is, it's not that I am resistant to change. I pray I will never ever get there. But more of, how can I change the part that is not me? In seeking to be real and be myself, I find that there's consistency in the way certain principles are upheld and it's only because there doesn't seem to be a better inclination to abide by. If there is, I would have taken a stock check and made the necessary amendments.

To summarize the comments presented to me:

1. Definition of 21st century man. Ok, my fault for coining this term. So I had better do a better job of defining him. Basically, what I meant by a 21st century man is simply one who is born during this time, who is suitably adapted to the changes of society over the years (its demands, its climate and cultural changes) but yet, not compromising the tried and tested so-much-needed integrity, character and that fair share of innate masculinity. Again, this is all subjected to different interpretations but this is only expected as every single male is unique. I wasn't talking about the metrosexuals, arrogant, overachieving, macho-istic kind. But what I'm saying is, why do so many (not all) men still seek the kind of women that were more abundant (or even the norm) in the olden times who had more submissive, docile and whatever qualities associated with feminity, when today, women are much more liberal to speak their minds, be assertive and perhaps even appear aggressive? Yes, to a certain extent, the 21st century men have become aware of the changes of the roles that more females are now playing in society but are they accepting the change? Nowadays, gender is no longer a boundary to various accomplishments in the world. You see women rising up to the top in many areas and disciplines.
2. Intimidation vs. attraction. And more often than not, so many guys find this intimidating. As much as so many of my friends will tell me that they think these kinda girls are "very hot" and "super attractive and appealing", in reality, are these the kinda girls that they are looking for? Or are they going back to old ideals of what a woman "should be like". One person said that very often, women who are "educated, smart, opinionated independent and ambitious (are) incredibly attractive" BUT that "women like these tend to be less feminine... But then again maybe I'm asking for too much. Looking for a women with the above qualities who is also feminine, lady-like and who is still willing to submit to her husband would be like looking for the perfect woman." So, what's the conclusion? At this point, I'd like to say that my personal belief is that a woman should never shortchange herself of being anything less than what she was made to be/do. And yet, my position is that the moment she marries, recognizing that her husband would play the role of the head of the family, she would submit not out of intimidation, inferiority or reluctance, but because she sees her place as his helpmate and in doing so, it sometimes requires her to follow his leadership. That's my perspective. It's not about the strong person having to "give it all up" when she finds her man. But it's about the woman WILLINGLY and being more than happy to do so.
3. Definition of career/modern woman and the issue of finger-pointing and overanalyzing. Sorry I didn't do a good job defining this either. But then again, I guess there is no perfect article because I'd just end up justifying everything I say. Basically, I appreciate your feedback. Maybe I came across as finger-pointing. But I sincerely didn't mean to. I was merely responding to the claims that I (or we) am picky, too strong, have been appearing quite intimidating, etc. I get this so often that I even came to a point where I started to doubt if I was normal. If there was something wrong with me; otherwise, why all these claims hurled my way? I just don't get it. I don't think "overanalyzing" is the issue here. On a daily basis, I am trying to constantly learn, self-reflect and challenge myself to grow - never to stay stagnant. And so I was deeply troubled during one period of my life whenever I got comments on how I was being too "scary, strong, intimidating, over-achieving, setting too high standards about men(when I never really did in the 1st place). etc." I really wondered if something was the matter with me. And it took one older, very wise and trusted mentor to reassure and reaffirm me that I was not "abnormal" in this sense. And that I am not less feminine in anyway. And that I would not need to change anything about myself in order to appear more "appealing" or "available". So, please forgive me if I came across as finger-pointing. I merely wanted to speak up on behalf of other females who struggle with/endure the same sentiments that others hurl our way only too many times. It's as if it becomes our fault for being like that. But really, the last time I checked, I believe I am as feminine as I could be (maybe just not so feminine if you define feminity as gentle, sweet, demure, etc.) and in fact, I really appreciate the feminine side of me very very much.

Anyways, to cut a very very long discussion short, not because I am afraid of feedback, comments, criticisms; but rather, I think it would never really end. I merely started out wanting to say that it is true that women today have more liberty to express themselves, to "come out" and shine in society like never before (since we were scorned for many personal accomplishments in historical times). And I wondered if men were ok with that. And IF they would appreciate that about us. Because we're still being who we are.

I'll admit that in the past (and sometimes, I still am) I have been feministic and have only been too passionate about defending the rights of women all over. Haha. But I've changed quite a bit. Lately, I've become more inclined to believe in respecting and appreciating the men for who they are too. I guess it's easy to ask the men to learn to appreciate the women around them more when truly, it is us women who need to appreciate our men more in the first place.

And so to all you sister babes out there, let's appreciate our men more. One lesson I've learn recently is not to intentionally play up the physique of another male, but not being sensitive to the male in our presence who may not exactly have the 6-packs or biceps that we are oggling over. Let's be honest, we wouldn't entirely enjoy it if our male friends kept on harping on how that babe walking on the street has the most perfect pair of legs ever, when we feel like elephants in comparison.

Personal take-home lesson? I'll learn to respect and appreciate myself for who I really am. At the same time, I think I should start respecting the males by believing and trusting that they appreciate me exactly the way I am too.

Posted by Serena on Friday, September 15, 2006 at 9:28 PM | Permalink